quarter life crisis

i'm gonna be honest here-this week has been hard.
i think all of the emotions, and the excitement, and the weight of this year and so many changes hit me this week.

i am not writing this to cause alarm, or to have others take pity on me.
and i am thankful for so many things. this week it was just harder to focus on those things and easier to be mopey, and grumpy and blah.

this past year, james and i have done and been through so much. we have had multiple jobs, and spent a lot of time with those we love. friends and family travelled to visit. our cat passed away. my brother got married. my sister graduated high school. my husband got his dream job, and we moved hours away from family. i now commute for a few weeks at a time to our hometown to finish working my last season for our family business, which i have worked at for over a decade.

that's a lot for anyone to deal with. but cram it all together over a short period of time, and it seems like, whoa!

and i am left feeling a bit confused about who i am right now, without the normal (and sometimes crazy un-normal) busyness of life. i like making new friends, but i miss the ease of seeing all of my friends that i have had for years. i like living closer to family that i rarely get to see, but i miss seeing my immediate family all the time. i like the anonymity of this big city, but i miss the familiarity of our smaller hometown. i like that i have all of this free time, that i have been wanting for years, but now i find myself questioning what i am doing with my life, and what my next step should be.

i think i am having a quarter life crisis.

so what does one do if they are having a similar crisis?

what any normal adult would do, of course.

build a fort in the middle of the living room, make snacks, and watch hours of gilmore girls* while hiding out in the fort.
declare the fort is no-boys-allowed, but then make an exception for an extremely nice husband.
sleep in this fort and then wake up in the middle of the night with a stiff back and thank god that there is a comfy mattress in the next room. (take blanket and husband and retreat to comfy bed).
awake the next morning and return to fort. continue watching episodes of gilmore girls.*



*note* during the gilmore girl episode watching, relate to everything that rory is going through, during a similar quarter-life crisis. also relate to the episode entitled 'the big stink' in which a pickle train derails near the town and a horrible stench fills the town air. (the air surrounding our neighbourhood seriously smelled like a pickle train detoured through here, and it was horrendous. all windows were kept shut).

it took about 24 hours, but yesterday afternoon i started to feel a bit better. i took down my fort.
i remembered about this blog post by one of my favourite bloggers, and realized that i am not the first person to feel this way, nor am i the last.
i listened to this song.



(notice i am not posting the official video for that song, but instead, an nfl commercial. it seems more homey to me.)

i made some food and took some photos. i read some magazines, and blogs and watched some tv. i texted with friends and emailed with family.
and thought some more. i swear all i do is think lately, but i feel like i am getting somewhere.

and i found a bit of comfort and relativity in these quotes:

'change is the only constant' -heraclitus

'life is a journey, not a destination' ralph waldo emerson

'to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven' ecclesiastes 3:1


change is a tricky thing.
but i know that with a bit of time i will embrace these changes and begin to make this my new home.